“You did not choose Me, but I chose you” – Jesus
Transformation of a Gynecologist from Chennai
I praise god for giving me the grace to share my testimony with you all. REV.12: 11 says, they overcame him by the blood of the lamb and by the word of their testimony;
The basis of my life is PSALM 40: 1-3
I waited patiently for the lord;
He turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
Out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on rock
And gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our god.
Many will see and fear
And put their trust in the lord.
I come from a Hindu background. My grand mother was deeply religious and would do any thing to appease the god. When my father saw the utter madness of her religious fever he realized the foolishness of the religious practices. He realized that people trap innocent people for their own selfish motives used religion. Hence we grew up with no idol worship in our house. We grew up to believe that being a good human being was supreme and helping humanity was the ultimate goal of life. I studied in a Christian school and was exposed to Christian values but it made no dent on my life. I was secure in my world with no thought of god or the devil. I studied hard and by the grace of god entered medical college.
Since I came from a relatively orthodox family background, I was not exposed to boys and girls mixing freely. It was a new experience for me and I was very excited and thrilled to be part of this new culture. My value slowly started changing. I wanted to be part of this new culture. My mother’s cousin who was in the army used to visit us, and I was attracted towards him. So one day I decided to go for a movie with him. Hence I asked permission to my mother to go for a movie with him. My mother was so shocked, that I could even entertain such a thought in my head. She in her simple way told me that only after marriage one went out with their husband and I obviously could not go out with him. So in my childish way at 17 years I decided to get married to this man who I knew nothing about, only because I wanted to go for a movie. (Like EASUA selling his birth right to JACOB). Every one in my family tried dissuading me from this destructive path. But I would not listen to anyone. So at 17 years when I was in 2nd year MBBS I was married. I lived in Chennai and my husband was in the army posted in north India. He used to come home for his annual holidays and during that time I was busy with my studies so I hardly knew my husband. I used to go to his place in my study holidays and the life I saw was totally different from what I was used to. I was like a fish out of water. .I did not know the “A” and “B”of socializing and a source of embarrassment to my husband. This led to a lot of fight between us. I came back to Chennai determined to learn to drink and dance and smoke and party around. I knew no one who did all these things.
Then I hit on a novel idea. I realized only CHRISTIANS partied and danced, smoked.so I became friendly with a bunch of Christians and learned the ways of the world. But still there was no peace between my husband and me. Hence people suggested that I have a child to cement our relation ship and by gods grace I conceived and gave birth to a son. But matters went from bad to worse and to the dogs. Since I had no money and was always depended on my husband I decided to join the army. So I got commissioned in the Indian army. Now the problems instead of settling down escalated and it reached a point of no return. I realized that I was dying for my husband love like (LEAH ,JACOBS WIFE)and he could not stand the sight of me. I got a posting to Chennai to my mother home. My parents were distraught and at their wits end as what to do? So my mother did what best she could do, she took me to the rounds of temple and appeasing as many gods as possible. But I got feed up of the system, which was so corrupt. Only when we paid money the priest would do the puja. So I used to wonder if god was for only the rich and not for the poor. Also a nagging thought was bothering me, WHO IS GOD, WHERE IS HE, HOW DO I REACH HIM,
Meanwhile when I was in Punjab I had a servant who was from RAJASTHAN a city in north India. There is a Hindu temple in this place where millions of rats are fed with rice. These rats in turn eat this rice and shit in the place. This rat shit is considered as very sacred and carried by the devotees back home to bless them. Hence this man brought this rat shit to me and told me to pray to it. So in spite of me being a major in the army, holding a important portfolio, I was so desperate to believe that the rat shit held the answer to my problem. (2 COR 4:4the god of this age has blinded the eyes of unbelievers, so that they can not see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of god)
Life was one long night mare and I could find no answer to it. So I took a posting to my home town and started living with my parents. My parents did what best they knew. They took me from one temple to another trying to appease their gods. I saw the hollowness of the system, the power and money hungry priest who wanted to capitalize on the situation. I was thoroughly fed up of the whole god business I was wondering if one did not have money then the gods had no time for them. The burning question in my heart was if this Hindu god was god then they were behaving worse then human beings. SO WHO IS GOD?
Mean while I was taken to another temple whose god was supposed to be the all power full god when I reached the place I was told that if I paid money I could go in a special queue by passing the general queue. I was really surprised that gods could be bought at a price. It also troubled me that if one had money the gods gave time and special privilege but if one did not have time then the gods had no concern for the poor. I decided to stand in the regular queue and meet the god. The queue was very long hence we were pushed into waiting rooms which were like a cage. I was very troubled that here I was so desperate to meet this god but the god could not be meeting like human beings. I was wondering if I need a friend I needed that person now. But if god did not have time for me at this crucial time what was the point? I nearly waited in this cage for nearly 5 hours. By then I was so feed up of the whole situation that I wanted to be let out. Only then I realized once you are in the queue you can only move forward but not back ward. Hence after a long wait of nearly 10 hours the line moved for ward and at last I came face to face with the deity. I thought that at last I can now stand and cry my heart to this god and tell all my vows. But to my utter surprise and shock I was pushed forward before I could even have a proper glimpse of the deity. After waiting so long it was an anti climax not even to have a split second with the god. This irritated me and got me wondering if it was worth the trouble, worth seeking a god who had no time for us. I was desperate for a GOD .WHO WOULD CARE FOR ME IN A PERSONAL WAY. Hence I decided never to go back to these idols. But who was God? This was a burning question in my heart for which there was no answer.
Meanwhile, my personal life was in total shambles. I lost all moral directions of what was right and wrong. Since I was working in the army, had a good job, a fat salary and free flow of liquor and single with a small child, I was desperate for company. Loneliness was eating into me and I was willing to do anything to drive this loneliness far away. So my personal life went from bad to worse. I realized I had no way to get out of the mess that my life was and one fine day I decided that death was the only answer. I realized that my life was too far gone and there is no way anybody on this earth could help me to set it right.
Now, my latest passion which was all consuming was to kill my son and kill myself. I tried committing suicide three times but the bible says, You did not choose me but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit- fruit that will last then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name (John 15:15). God has good plans for us. I never knew all this. I never succeeded in my attempt. I was deeply depressed and distressed not knowing what to do next. I felt that the whole world was against me and I in turn was against the whole world. I became a nasty. Fighting, bitter, unforgiving human being whom everybody hated and I hated in return. It was a total hopeless situation and I did not know the way out.
My Christian friends once took me to a village Church much against my wishes. One of them was preaching (since there lives was all messed up like mine, I had no intention of ever listening to anything coming out of their mouths). I refused to enter the church and I was standing outside full of myself and thinking in my heart, “these Christians get dollars from abroad and all they wanted to do is convert Hindus to Christians and I will never become a Christian. The congregation was singing songs of joy and as they sang, I was getting totally irritated and frustrated, thinking in my heart only I am rich and famous, born in a High caste Hindu family with all the necessary social connections and Only I have the right to be happy but the reality is these people in the Church seem to be happy. I was getting very angry with the whole situation. Then, the preacher preached the good news and said that Jesus came and died for our sins. I was wondering in my heart why would any god die for me. This was bothering me and I was desperate to trade my sorrow for joy. As a Hindu I only knew to appease Gods by bartering system. I thought in exchange for the peace that Jesus promises, I would give Him not my gold and silver which I valued very highly. I was wondering how I could fool this God and rob the peace from Him. I thought I stuck on a brilliant brain wave. I thought, anyway I’m a Doctor and it cost my nothing to go and do free medical services in the village in my free time. If I could get this kind of peace so I made a covenant with God.
I came back home, back to the same situation. Life was miserable and one fine day I wanted my Christian friends to get somebody to pray for me and then I wanted to kill myself. So this Pentecostal school teacher came to my house and I asked her what I should do to get prayed. She just asked me to sit quietly and she started praying in tongues. Till then I never heard anybody pray in tongues. The minute she started the prayer there was a loud voice in my head screaming “Ask this lady to get up and get out you are a qualified Doctor and she is mad! If a person like this comes to your clinical OPD and talk’s gibberish language, will you entertain her? She is mad refer her to the psychiatrist. This voice was so loud and drowning me. But a still small voice asked me “what did you do to the life I gave you?” I was so broken in my spirit and at that time God showed me like a movie my life and how it had degenerated. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I cried out with agony of my soul saying Jesus come in my life. Be my God, my Savior and set me free! Nobody told me that Jesus was God. Nobody told me to invite Jesus into my life. Salvation was an instantaneous experience by the working of the Holy Spirit as the lady was praying in tongues. Praise God! Hallelujah!
Now, I was a born again Christian and this lady asked me to attend a Church. The same bunch of Christians took me to Church and my heart was rejoicing in the presence of the Lord. Slowly but surely God started convicting me of my wicked life style. I had to put an end to all my partying and break away from all my old friends. It was a new beginning, new experience. Now I was even lonelier with no friends. But in my loneliness, God’s presence started ministering to me in a powerful way. The Holy Spirit took me directly under His tutorship and God started molding my personality from inside out.
My first ministry was as a cook for a Pastors Conference. It was hard and difficult for a person who has always held top positions to humble myself to act and work as a cook but God was using these experiences to teach me humility. Next ministry was village medical outreach program. God gave me a beautiful design to do this over the year. Since we are not allowed to distribute tracts in the villages, God gave us the wisdom to use tracts as tokens to form a queue. As a surgeon I was able to earn, operate and make adequate money. With this money, like Paul, I was able to support the medical ministry for the last 17 years. We were able to conduct 700 Medical Outreach Programs in the last 17 years.
Today God has given me a vision to start GILGAL CHARITABLE TRUST in accordance with Joshua 5:8. We have registered the Trust. I will be moving to my God given destiny to a place called Rameswaram in Ramnad District. It is a small island with 60,000 population. God has given me the burden to build a hospital, Nursing School, Orphanage, Old Age Home, School and Bible School. This is a life time project. Trusting God, I will be resigning my job and going away as a medical missionary believing that He who called me is faithful. Please uphold me in your prayers.